If J.R.R. Tolkien played baseball: designated hitter, rated 82

J.R.R. Tolkien as a baseball player: scouting report

J.R.R. Tolkien spent decades as an Oxford professor, first of Anglo Saxon and later of English language and literature, reading old texts one word at a time, and he would bring that patience to the batter's box as a designated hitter. His eye is the best mark on his card, so he notices the small things: a change in a pitcher's grip, a catcher shading inside, a third baseman creeping in for the bunt.

He played rugby at King Edward's School in Birmingham, so the competitive streak is real, and his contact is the second best mark on his card. He builds an at bat the way he built Middle Earth, with a deep history behind every detail, working the count and then putting the ball in play. His power is good too, enough to drive a mistake into the gap. He invented whole languages for the elves of his books, and a man who can do that can certainly decode a catcher's signs. The Hobbit arrived in 1937 and The Lord of the Rings followed in the 1950s, and along the way he met with fellow writers such as C. S. Lewis in the group they called the Inklings, the original dugout chatter.

Speed is the soft spot, so he is a slow and steady runner, and his arm is below average, which makes designated hitter his ideal spot. First base is his next best position if he needs a glove, and third base is a stretch. Draft him in the middle rounds as a professional hitter for the heart of the order, put a couple of fast runners in front of him and let him take the long road through every at bat.

Plays like A scholarly hitter who studies every pitch in detail

Put J.R.R. Tolkien in your lineup

12 rolls, nine hitters and a rotation, 162 games. Can you win 117? Free, no account.