If Michael Jackson played hockey: goalie, rated 88

Michael Jackson as a hockey player: scouting report

Michael Jackson belongs in goal, and the reason is his feet. The moonwalk he unveiled on the Motown 25 television special in 1983 was a lesson in gliding backward while appearing to move forward, which is close to a description of how a goalie tracks a rush. Skating is the best mark on his card, and in the crease that means explosive lateral pushes, clean recoveries and the edges to slide from post to post faster than a cross crease pass can get there.

Goaltending sits right behind skating, and it is hard to resist the image of that single sequined glove snapping up a one timer. He started performing as a child with the Jackson 5, and decades of rehearsal made him famous for precision: the spin that ended exactly on the beat, the toe stand held for a count. That kind of repeatable technique is what goalie coaches spend years chasing. His passing is also strong for a netminder, so expect him to handle the puck behind the net and start the breakout himself.

Physical play is the weakest part of his game. He will not win a shoving match with a power forward parked on his doorstep, so his defensemen have to clear the front of the net for him. Draft a big, physical defense pair in front of him and his game shines. If your crease is already filled, he can move out to center or right wing, though his game drops off a fair amount away from the crease, and he would lean on his skating to carry the puck through the neutral zone. Thriller is widely cited as the best selling album of all time, so he knows something about volume: give him a heavy workload and let him win games on his own.

Plays like An athletic butterfly goalie with the quickest feet in the crease

Put Michael Jackson in your lineup

8 rolls, a starting six and a bench, 82 games. Can you go 82-0? Free, no account.