If Rihanna played hockey: goalie, rated 86

Rihanna as a hockey player: scouting report

Rihanna would play goal, and the jokes about her signature early hit write themselves: Umbrella, from 2007, is a song about covering someone, which is more or less the job description. Goaltending is the best mark on her card and her skating is right behind it, so she plays a modern athletic style, pushing post to post and staying square to the shooter. Her cool on stage is famous, and a goalie needs exactly that composure when the puck is loose in the crease.

She grew up in Barbados and was discovered as a teenager by a visiting American producer, then moved to the United States to record her first album. Since then she has won multiple Grammy Awards and built Fenty Beauty, which launched in 2017 with an unusually wide range of foundation shades. That habit of covering every possibility is how she plays her angles. In 2023 she headlined the Super Bowl halftime show from platforms suspended high above the field, which shows she is comfortable at the very top of the pressure scale. Her passing is strong for a netminder, and her defense mark says she reads plays well.

Physical play is the weakest part of her game. She will not push big forwards out of her crease, so she needs defensemen who keep the front of the net clear. If your goalie spot is filled, center is her next best position, where her skating and passing carry over, and right wing is a fallback. In 2021 Barbados named her a National Hero, the country's highest honor. Draft her as a starting goalie with real presence and let her command the crease.

Plays like A cool, confident goalie who covers the whole net

Put Rihanna in your lineup

8 rolls, a starting six and a bench, 82 games. Can you go 82-0? Free, no account.