If Dolly Parton played soccer: goalkeeper, rated 84

Dolly Parton as a soccer player: scouting report

Dolly Parton goes in goal, and the reason is that she has been the person everyone in the building looks to since she was a teenager. She made her Grand Ole Opry debut at thirteen, and a goalkeeper needs exactly that kind of early comfort with a big crowd watching her every move. Goalkeeping is the best part of her card, so the fundamentals are there: quick hands, sharp angles and a clean catch when the cross comes in.

Her defending is the next best mark, which tells you she is more than a shot stopper. She reads the ball over the top early, comes off her line to sweep behind a high back four and talks her center backs into position the way a bandleader cues the next verse. Her passing and dribbling are both solid, so when a striker presses her she can take a calm touch and roll the ball into a fullback's path instead of hoofing it. She built Dollywood into a major attraction in her home corner of Tennessee and founded the Imagination Library, which mails free books to young readers, and that instinct for building things that last shows in how she sets up an attack from the back.

Shooting is the soft spot, and for a keeper it hardly matters; she will not be asked to take free kicks. Central midfield and fullback are both workable second spots thanks to her composure on the ball, but the drop from goal is real. Draft her early among the keepers, pair her with a ball playing center back who wants the ball at his feet, and let her run the show from the back.

Plays like A commanding sweeper keeper who organizes everyone in front of her

Put Dolly Parton in your lineup

11 rolls, a starting eleven, 38 matches. Can you go 38-0? Free, no account.