If Isaac Newton played hockey: defenseman, rated 78

Isaac Newton as a hockey player: scouting report

Isaac Newton would play defense, and nobody alive would understand the job better. He wrote the laws of motion in his Principia in 1687, including the idea that an object in motion keeps moving until a force acts on it. A defenseman is that force. Physical play is the best thing on his card, and he would apply it with perfect efficiency: stepping into a puck carrier at the blue line, pinning forwards along the boards and clearing the crease without wasting an ounce of effort.

His defense grade is nearly as high, and that is where the mathematician comes out. Newton helped invent calculus, so he would calculate angles and closing speeds in his head, taking away the passing lane and the shooting lane at the same time. He spent years splitting white light with prisms and built the first practical reflecting telescope, which tells you he sees the play clearly from far away. His passing is the best of his remaining skills, so his first pass out of the zone is crisp and on target. Later in life he ran the Royal Mint and led the Royal Society, and he would run the defensive corps the same way.

Skating is the clear weak spot, and it is a big one. It sits well below everything else on his card, so he must never be the last man back against a fast line. Goalie and left wing are distant second and third options. Pair him with a mobile, puck moving partner, keep him on the right side of every play and let the laws of motion do the rest.

Plays like An immovable shutdown defenseman who plays the angles perfectly

Put Isaac Newton in your lineup

8 rolls, a starting six and a bench, 82 games. Can you go 82-0? Free, no account.